Some thoughts on the public/private dichotomy of restaurants, based on my experience as a dinner date escort in London.
I was having dinner with a friend recently, at one of my favourite London restaurants. In between the main course and desert, she had to step outside to take a personal call, and I was left with time to myself to sit and take in my surroundings. I let my mind wander idly, and as it drifted, I overheard the conversation taking place a few feet behind me. Two people, a couple I assumed, having a heated argument about one party’s infidelity.
It took me about ten seconds before my brain kicked into gear (blame the two martinis I’d had before dinner…) and I realised that this absolutely was not a conversation I should be listening to. I focused my attention on the stunning decor of the space and their voices faded away, retreating into the background hum of the restaurant.
However, it made me think about the restaurant as a very unique form of public/private space – that is, it is a space which is (in theory) open to all, where people can come and go; but it is also a space where people engage in very private behaviour. Arguments, declarations of love, break ups, serious conversations, flirtation – many of these are types of speech we would expect to take place primarily in private, but they thrive in the restaurant. When we sit down for dinner, we often envisage a bubble of private space, a boundary of chairs and tables, which allows us to do these private actions in the public space.
This public/private dichotomy is something I spend a lot of time thinking about – as a dinner date escort, I’m blessed to spend a lot of my time in these spaces, and my dining companion is usually someone with whom I have (or am about to have) an intimate relationship with. We are two people who have a deeply private bond, and yet we are in some ways making that public. But, in my opinion, this is why dinner dates are both incredibly hot, and an excellent way to build anticipation and desire for what’s to come.
Eroticism is borne out of tension – it occurs when we don’t quite know the nature of a relationship, the frisson of ‘are they attracted to me’, the excitement of taking a step into the unknown. Conducting the first stages of an intimate, private relationship in the public space of a restaurant is a perfect staging for this tension. We exist as a mystery to the other guests, the nature of our relationship unknown to them – we could be old friends, business partners, anything at all. Only we truly know what our intentions are, what we’ll be doing in a few hours time – and for me, there’s truly nothing hotter.
The dates I have which start in the restaurant, in this liminal public/private space, are often the most satisfying and interesting. It allows us to test dynamics outside the bedroom which we can then refine and build upon. It forces us to set boundaries around our relationship for the first hour or so – we cannot kiss each other, or touch each beyond a grazing of hands – and so when we can finally push past these boundaries, the results are even more explosive.
I can write about this erotic tension at length, but it’s even more fun if you experience it for yourself, don’t you think?
